Black, not yet.



My child, doesn’t identify as being Black. A black man. A black boy. This saddens and frustrates me.

He could self identify as being gay; a girl; a boy; a trapeze artist; republican; democrat; catholic; atheist; vegan, Canadian, or circus clown.  None would throw me. But he currently still identifies as “brown”.

I’m a strong advocate for each of us “Self Identifying”. Seriously. Labels rub me wrong.

But this,

it REALLY bothers me. I admit it. My instinct is to correct him each time “You are Black, son.”

I considered asking for suggestions from my wise women friends on how to “fix” this. And then I leaned back on letting him “Self identify”. Give him time. This is his life, his path.

And then I wondered, why? Why does this ONE thing rub me wrong?

I think its because, him not identifying as Black, HIGHLIGHTS my inadequacies as a white parent. It’s as simple as that.

That, someone else, will recognize that I have not taught him enough about black pride and history. That he isn’t surrounded by black adults, playmates, mentors, siblings, parents and culture. That pressure weighs on me and makes me more uncomfortable than most any other.



2014!!! Let’s try again


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Facebook was full of New Years resolution declarations. I’m beginning to be wary of such things, if for only what that means for me. Hubris. Facebook can feel a bit… full of oneself, if I’m not careful. And yet, there is purpose. There is meaning in declaration. If only as a matter of record.

Thus, here, in this somewhat private space, I declare 3 goals for this year. Attainable if not numerically accountable and certain to help 2014 be a more joyful year, regardless of circumstances that come our way:

1- Read more

2- Laugh more

3- Let go of the “hard”